Crazy Little Thing Called Love

I promised I would post something about my love life and guess what! I'm actually keeping that promise. I'm not going to tell you any juicy details of what is currently going on though. That has potential to be extremely dangerous. I have a great story for you though. Fasten your seat-belts:

Once upon a time I created a profile on a certain dating site. I didn't really expect to meet anyone worth dating, but it seemed like it might be fun. Plus browsing through the profiles provided much entertainment. Then, one day, I received a message from someone... let's pretend his name is Vince*.... I looked at his profile and discovered that we had tons in common. So I wrote back. After e-mailing back and forth for a while, we arranged to meet. It went well, so more meetings were set up.

We ended up dating for a while, not really seriously. I was wary of him being an internet person and we were both a little hesitant to get super involved with a total stranger. I was being really smart about this, people! I SWEAR THERE WERE NO WARNING SIGNS THAT HE WAS BATSHIT INSANE! And he was. This part, where the dating stops, is where the story gets good.

The last time I saw him, we went out to a thing with a couple who lives in Magna. We met up with them at their house and Vince left his car there while we all went off on evening adventures. It was a fun night, things were great, until the end when we said "goodnight" and Vince drove me home. The entire drive (at least a good 40 min, for those of you not familiar with Salt Lake geography) he didn't say more than 3 words to me. The entire drive was either me monologuing or awkward silence.

Of course I asked him several times if something was wrong, why he was being so quiet etc. but never got an answer more than a shrug. I told him flat out that his strange silence was making me nervous. When we finally reached our destination, he walked me to the door, said "it was fun," gave me a quick kiss and walked off. I was baffled.

I decided he was being an idiot. If something was bothering him he had plenty of opportunity to tell me what it was. If he wanted to be pissy and passive-aggressive about something (I couldn't figure out what might have gone wrong) there was nothing I could do about it. However, there's no way I was going to play that game so I decided he could call me when he decided to grow up. I didn't hear from him for 3-4 days so I sent him a couple text messages (he worked at a call center so didn't like phone calls much). They were casual, normal, not-acknowledging-his-immature-antics conversation starters that gave him a way to not be an ass but also

avoid whatever he didn't want to talk about.

He didn't respond. I don't do well with stupid games. I gave him all the attention I could spare for his little tantrum. I figured he could talk to me when he was over it and I would give him a chance to explain himself. He would, of course, need to have a very good explanation.

Three weeks later he contacted me on facebook chat. Yes, facebook. Yes, chat. He was all casual conversation about it too until I called him out on the long silence. He said he hadn't talked to me because he "just didn't have anything to say." In case you're confused, that does not in any way qualify as a good explanation. I ended the conversation soon thereafter because I had better things to do. I may have made a slightly snarky comment about talking to him later if he decided to not disappear again.

I didn't hear from him for about two weeks. Then I got the following message (on facebook again) from him:

I'm sitting here drinking Lev. Thinking about you and absolutely stewing. You make me crazy. I thought it was pills making me paranoid. I liked you, but you were just playing games. I think I'll go vomit now.

That is the exact message. Copied and pasted. I was more than a little shocked. And confused. And angry that he accused me of playing games when he was the one behaving like a 14 year old girl with the social skills of a rutabaga.

I couldn't decide whether it was even worth it to respond - I desperately wanted to defend myself, but he so obviously belonged in a padded cell and Mommy always told me not to talk to crazy people. So the next day I told some friends about it, in order to get a second opinion. They insisted on seeing the actual message and when I showed them we discovered that he had "un-friended" me on facebook.

So I figured the whole ordeal was over. It wasn't worth my time responding to the odd, apparently drug induced (when we were seeing each other there was no mention of drugs, recreational or otherwise) rantings of a strange, strange, person.

Four days latter I got a text message from him. This is, verbatim, the conversation we had:

Vince: hey

Me: I thought I made you vomit

Vince: haha, well ok then. Thanks for removing any doubts i had

Me: Oh, so after your bizzare and, frankly, insulting note and passive aggressive behavior I'm supposed to be ecstatic that you deemed me worthy of a monosyllabic text message greeting?

Vince: Nope you're not suppose to be anything. Stay golden

That's the last I heard from him. The End

*his name is not Vince. Though maybe I should post his real name, and pictures, as a warning to anyone who might read this and happen to be involved with him somehow.

Hilarible

Hilarible is a term coined by my friend, Spydr. Yes, that is her name... Well, not the one on her birth certificate, but that's what everyone calls her. Hilarible is, in case you couldn't figure it out, a combination of Hilarious and Terrible. I heard a story today that illustrates this principle perfectly:

This guy, we'll call him John (I don't even know his real name... he's a friend of a co-worker's son), asked a girl out, we'll call her Julie. John decides to take Julie to the State Fair for their first date. John and Julie both live in Provo, which is about an hour long drive from the fair grounds in Salt Lake. While John is driving to Salt Lake, his stomach starts to hurt; he's getting gassy. He holds it in because he's in the car this hot girl, and you just don't want to murder your date with noxious butt-fumes. But the pressure is building up to the point that it's painful so he decides to roll down the windows, turn up the radio (so she won't hear it) and just let her rip.

He shartted.

Not much he can do at this point. They're almost to the fair so he just keeps the windows down and hopes that she can't smell it. She can probably smell it, he can smell it, it's bad. After they park, he makes sure she's walking in front of him and just does everything he can to save face.

They go into the Fair and before long they come across a booth selling "Utah State Fair!" sweat suits.

John says, "Oh neat! I'm so excited to see this! When I was little my family used to always buy these sweats and then change into them and wear them around the fair! Let's do that!"

Julie says "Uh, no. I'm not going to wear those."

John buys a set anyway and goes into a port-a-potty to change. He takes off his shirt and puts on the sweat shirt. Then he takes off his pants... they're really bad. He thinks to himself "I don't want to carry these around, that will not work." So he drops his pants and his underwear into the tank. Then he opens the package of sweat-pants.

It's another shirt.

Rather than swallowing his pride and asking Julie to please exchange the shirt for pants, John puts on the sweatshirt like pants. One leg through each arm hole. He pokes his head out and looks around for Julie. She's not nearby so he bolts. He runs through the fair, out to the parking lot and drives away.

That is hilarible. It's so terrible that it's hilarious. Certainly not to John, who suffered pretty major humiliation and should probably fear for his life if he ever runs into Julie again. Or to Julie, who was left stranded in Salt Lake. To an outside party, it's really funny though; it's Hilarible

Absolute Bull Crap

ABC and I are no longer friends. I don't have a TV but I do occasionally watch shows online. It's nice that way. No commercials.

Anyway, one of the shows I like to watch (and I'm way behind on this season because I haven't had time to zone out in front of the computer lately) is Pushing Daisies. It's a fun little show. I like it.

ABC has canceled it. We're now officially fighting. Daisies was one of the few original and interesting shows on television. Ok, well, it wasn't particularly deep or anything. It's a little (maybe a lot) cheesy and over the top, but I like it. *sigh* I guess it was bound to happen sometime. I was kind of surprised that it even got a second season, truth be told.

Thoughts on Gender

I just recently went through an ordeal that has me pondering how you guys think. I wouldn't give it a second thought if it weren't almost exactly like something a few of my friends have experienced recently too. I'm not going to go into great detail in any case, to protect the guilty (they might know who they are anyway). The duration of the ordeal, and the specifics of what it involved varied, but it was, in all cases, basically this:

Boy meets Girl, they hit it off, have wicked chemistry. There is some sloppy make-outs and maybe a date or two. Things seem to be going pretty well for a while, there is potential for a real romance, but they're still in the water-testing stage. Neither party is anywhere close to falling madly in love or anything, or necessarily looking to fall madly in love anytime soon. It's just one of those things, just one of those crazy things, one of those bells that now and then rings.

Then all of a sudden, Boy drops off the face of the planet and starts giving girl the cold shoulder. He stops calling. He'll still answer her calls, but won't be much for conversation. If they are together in person, he'll be distant and cold. Basically, he decides to be a big jerk.

I have a friend who was on the Boy side of this situation once, and I (after kicking him for being an ass) kinda got his side of the story. He said that he felt like she wanted more out of the relationship than he was willing to give. He wasn't looking for anything serious, and he thought that she was. I happen to be friends with Girl in that case too, and she was really not looking for seriousness, just some fun. She was annoyed at Boy for being so dumb about it, but she didn't waste any time crying into her pillow about it or anything like that.

In my case, I don't know what Boy was thinking exactly, but I would bet it was something along those same lines. The thing is, I was so far from being serious about him that I was also dating two other guys at the same time. I'm not sure he knew about it (because it's kind of a jerky thing to flaunt boyfriend#2 in boyfriend#1's face), but we had clearly established that we were not serious at all. Still, he started blowing me off and I have a feeling it's for the same bull-shit reason that "I'm looking for more than he's willing to give right now."

Ok, so... why is it that this happens? Do you guys just automatically assume that we gals are crazy into you and looking to get hitched or something? Gender stereotyping? I don't know. Why can't we be expected to want a regular, non-serious, buddy with whom we occasionally swap spit? It's not fair.

I, of course, have to address the way the situation has been handled. Seriously, how hard is it for you guys to give us the heads up about what's going on? And if you just bothered to talk to us about it, you might find out that we're really not expecting anything more than some no-strings-attached fun. Giving the cold shoulder is kinda childish and really annoying. You guys who do this should know better by now. I believe there is a term for this kind of behaviour... now what is it? Oh yeah! Ass-Hole

im a gemini and i like long walks on the beech

I just met a walking, talking personal add. And not the kind of personal add that makes you actually want to meet the person (not sure those actually exist, but I've heard rumors so you never know). It was the kind you read just to make fun of it.

So, this personal add manifested itself in the form of the guy who delivers the big water jugs for the water cooler. After asking me if I had a boyfriend (no), and asking "why don't you go out with me?" (no), he proceeded to tell me all about himself. I stared at him trying really hard not to laugh. He's a really good guy, you know, he's single, don't got no kids, just moved here from California and he's just looking for friends you know. He works a lot, from like 7 until 5 and then he likes to go work out an the gym and party with his friends. We could text for a while or something. He's a really good guy.

Of course, if his spiel had been written down, it would have been all lowercase letters, completely devoid of any punctuation and various words would be misspelled. If it were on an online site, I'm sure it would go along with a picture of him shirtless taken with his camera phone in front of the bathroom mirror. It's so much fun to meet walking clichés!

I was tempted to ask him his sign. But, you know, he is a really good guy, because if he says so, it must be true. And wow, he works so he has lots of money to spend on me, goody! And he goes to the gym, so he's obviously in really good shape. And he likes to party so he must be pretty laid back and fun to be around. Man, how could resist such a catch?

SLC Ink

My little bro is brilliant.
Let me tell you why.
He gots himself some ink last week yo.
It's the illest tat eva:





Yes, it is real. When he first announced it, none of us believed him. But when I looked closely it had all the signs of a real life tattoo. You can't really tell from this picture (which I took with my phone so it's not great quality), but it's on his fore-arm, just below the elbow.

Tell Me All Your Thoughts on God

On my way home from work today I saw a bumper sticker that read like this:

GOD BELIEVES IN YOU - Count of Monte Cristo
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

I'm not mentioning it to get into some religious battle. I just want to point out that the Count of Monte Cristo is not exactly the best literary spokesperson for any religion. Do you really want to promote your faith with an egomaniac who became completely consumed by his desire for revenge? I certainly wouldn't.

As a side note, I saw this bumper sticker just before I heard the Manamana song on the radio ("mashed" with Jet's Are You Gonna Be My Girl). How's that for synchronicity?

I'm A Terrible Person! Here's Why:

Right now I am looking out the window in front of my desk at two fire trucks and an ambulance. Some random drunk guy just passed out on the grass around our parking lot. I don't know if it was heatstroke (it's 103 degrees today), dehydration or just normal drunkeness. It's aweful, but it you're going to be drunk and out in the sun when it's 103, that's what you get.

I'm a horrible person because, before I found out it was a random drunk, I was rooting for it to be Hector.

Hector is a creepy old (mid-late 30s. Not that old, but old enough) hispanic (great, now I'm going to sound racist too) guy who's been doing landscaping for us all summer. He's creepy because he hits on me all the time. And he has gold teeth. And smokes. And hits on me all the time. A month or so ago he gave me a dozen roses totally out of the blue. A few weeks ago he tried to give me a bottle of perfume. He's asked me out to lunch, to go dancing, to dinner, to get coffee on several occasions. He has also asked for my number. He really bothers me. I guess I should say something to one of the higher-ups about it.

Anyway, I was really hoping it would be him because if he got carted away, I wouldn't have to deal with him at least for the rest of the day. I'm terrible. It's not good to wish bad things on people, no matter how creepy and yucky they are.

The random drunk just walked off. They had him sitting in the back of the ambulance for a while. I guess they revitalized him.

What is Wrong with People??

Some people can get away with not wearing a bra. It's almost kind of sexy if one has small perky breasts. However, if you, like this lady who came through the aviary today, have breasts that sag BELOW your belly-button FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS MAMMERY wear a feaking bra!!! And I am not exagerating on this. Yes, I am prone to exageration, but I'm just not doing it now. Her boobs were seriously BELOW her waist. Not pretty. Some people should not be allowed out of the house!

Die Villian Die

This is just a random rant of mine. X96 has a segment on their morning show once a week during which they list things that they (and listeners who bother e-mailling them) think "must go." Things that just bug the crap out of them. Really it's just an excuse to complain about things that nobody really wants to do anyting about. So, because I can and because I feel like ranting, Here is my own personal list of Things That Must Go

1. Blanket Text Messages. I have a friend (he shall remain unnamed here) who send a message to everyone in his phone whenever he gets bored. It's stupid. The message is always the same "what's up" and it's annoying. I wouldn't mind if he actually wanted to know what was up, but he never does. It's uber lame.

2. Speaking of text messages, Forwarded Text Messages. It's spam for the phone! All those annoying "pass this on or your foot will unluckily rot off" e-mail type forwards have made their way into the cell phone realm. As if the e-mails weren't annoying enough.

3. People Who Advertise in My Comments Space. If you don't know what I'm talking about, look at the comments for the entry right before this. I didn't manage to delete the crap about private road construction before someone commented. I have deleted other messages left as comments on other postings. If you're going to advertise on my blog (that few people read) you should at least pay me for it.

That's actually all I can think of to complain about right now. I guess I'm more content with the world than I thought. Notice how they're all technological? I should become amish and then my life would be perfect, right?

This is American Music Take One

Last night I went to a free Violent Femmes concert at the U. The festivities started at 5:30 with a decent opening band that played for an hour or so. The next "band" was a guy in a pink shirt with a guitar. I didn't like him much, but he didn't play too long so.... Then it was the Femmes. I have to say they kicked. One of the best concerts I've been to. I was up close in the part of the crowd that jumps around and runs into eachother and really gets into the music. I'm black and blue this morning and a bit sore- always a sign of a good concert. The atmosphere was great, the crowd just the right size and the weather was perfect (it was all outdoors).
There are a few things, though, that I feel need to be banned from concerts. Or at least from the kinetic part of the crowd. I don't care what happens back where people just stand there nodding thier heads. First is synthetic fibers. When you're jumping around and sweating and having a raucus good time, the last thing you want is to get thrown against someone wearing scratchy polyester. Second is small children. Arrakis was right up by the stage and she said there were a bunch of 12 year olds* up by her who didn't know the music of the VF at all and were constantly in danger of being squished. I was a bit farther back where people were bouncing and kicking and flailing and there were these four prepubescent girls with braces who maybe weighed 200 lbs between the four of them. They did not know the music either and got pushed down every two minutes. According to concert etiquite when someone falls, you stop kicking and help them up, so these little girls disrupted the violence quite often and threw off the groove a bit. Finally, long hair should be pulled up. When you're jumping around coating in sweat (yours and eveyone elses) the last thing you want is to bump into some chick with waist length hair and get it all stuck to your arm.
It really was a good show though. I had a rockin' time and when you're really into the music and the crowd, those little above-mentioned annoyances don't really matter much.

*by 12 year old I mean a kid shorter than my shoulderblade who could be just about any age under 17.

Hooray for Me

So the little letter thingy I sent into the paper (mentioned in Uneducated Masses) was in the paper today. This makes me think highly of myself, not that I really needed the ego boost. Go look at it and recognise greatness: http://www.sltrib.com/opinion/ci_2606429

Uneducated Masses

So, I'm reading the Trib this morning and I'm scanning the opinion page and my eye lands on this bit of tripe:

Brainwashed Students

Each year in America, thousands of young people enroll in colleges in pursuit of knowledge which will hopefully enhance their lives and enable them to contribute to society in a positive manner. Unfortunately, many of them will be exposed to radical socialist professors who brainwash their young, naive, gullible minds with distorted information. As a result large numbers of people are being dumped into our society who are very anti-American with flawed educations and dubious worth to themselves and our nation.
Manfred J. Nelson
Salt Lake City


Needless to say, I was a bit offended. So, being one to take very little sitting down, I decided to write a response. I just finished sending it into the Trib. This is what I wrote:

In response to Manfred J Nelson’s rant on the brainwashing of college students (Forum, March 6), I feel compelled to stand up for myself and my peers. I like to think than my mind is neither naïve nor especially gullible, as Nelson stated. My college experience this far has helped me develop and fine-tune my analytical thinking and my ability to recognize empty rhetoric. Far from being brainwashed in college, I’m learning to think for myself and guard my mind from the careless opinions of others. Last time I checked thinking was not an ‘anti-American’ activity.


There was so much more I could have said, but I felt that keeping it consise and to the point was more poignant. But, honestly, what does Nelson want? a country overrun by idiots? He should lock himself up and throw away the key, that way he wont be exposed to 'radical socialist' ideas. Anyway, by the time most people get to college, they have already made up thier minds about their politics and such. And in Utah anyway they're more likely to get their heads filled with uber-conservative bull shit than anything else. I don't like this Nelson guy!!!

Some People

I know y'all (whoever reads this) just love hearing about the toystore! So today, a lady came in to exchange a broken water wiggly that she bought a few days ago. After the exchange, she showed me her reciept and said "I got all this stuff here the other day and I forgot to get it wrapped" and then looked at me like I was supposed to do something about it. I told her that the store policy was that we couldn't just hand out wrapping paper. She huffed and puffed and said "What do I have to do, go get all the stuff and bring it back here so you can wrap it?" I wasn't sure how to respond to that so I shrugged. She was storming off looking for her son by then though, so it was ok. After locating her toddler, she said to me, "I guess I could buy eveything again and then return what I already have." I told her she could if she really wanted to (in a very 'customer service' sort of way) and she went off in search of her items. Fortuantely her child crapped his pants just then so she chose to leave the store. Now, at some point, wouldn't it have been easier to just get some wrapping paper and wrap it herself? I mean, how hard is it really to get wrapping paper? There's even a Hallmark store in the same strip mall as the toystore, they sell that kind of thing don't they? Maybe not, but still, how hard can it be to find some? Certainly easier than either re-buying 10 some-odd toys and then coming back to the store to return the same 10 some-odd toys that she bought earlier or going home and finding 10 some-odd toys and coming back to the store and getting them wrapped. She didn't come back durring my shift, but I don't know about the rest of the afternoon. I really think she was serious about coming back to get her stuff wrapped.

Second Star on the Right

So today, I saw Jessica Brownlee... Wait, I should change her name to protect the innoccent or something... I mean I saw Jennifer Bennet. Yeah, didn't talk to her or anything, not sure what I would have said. For those who don't know (most people) "Jennifer" was a very good friend of mine up from seventh grade until our Jr(ish) year of high school. Turns out though that she is a backstabbing, cold-hearted, self-serving, bitch. She fucked me over a few times before I decided that I would be so much better off without her. And since I haven't seen hide nor hair of her in over a year, I'm much happier. Anyway, I saw her in Subway. She was way ahead of me in line and I easily avoided her by staring at the menu as she walked past. This way I only had to experience the cold air of evil that hangs around her person for a few seconds. If I had talked to her, it would have suffocated me. It sounds like I'm holding a grudge, doesn't it? That's really not the case. I am at peace with myself and rarely spend a second thinking about her as it releases too much negative energy into my system. I just state things the way the are. Jessica... oh, I mean Jennifer is the worst person I have ever known. I aspire to be completely unlike her, she's my inspiration or something like that.