One Two... Get Down

I think we can probably all agree that one of the hardest things in life is "making the first move" in a relationship. This can mean two different things; either asking a person out on a first date, or initiating the kissing thing. From a gender role perspective, both are traditionally the responsibility of the guy, but many of us know that you boys are chicken shit. Often if we girls want to get something done, we just have to do it ourselves. Many guys I've talked to think this is a good thing.

The first incarnation of "the first move" (the asking out), I think is the easy one. How hard is it to go up to somebody (or call, text message, IM, whatever) and say "Hey, there's this thing on this day, do you want to go with me?" It's really not very hard at all. I promise. I've done it several times. In fact, I would say that the majority (though not all) of the first dates I've gone on have been completely due to my own initiative. The way I see it, first dates are really just a way of testing the water - see if the two of you have enough in common to actually spend time together away from a group. Most of the time the first date is a more casual affair and so it's really easy to casually ask about. Plus, if at first you don't succeed, it's just as easy to ask again.

Maybe I cheat because I never ever say "Hey hot stuff, wanna go on a date with me." If that's how you roll, good for you. I'm not really in favor of that approach though for several reasons. First of all, when you ask someone out, it's always better to be specific and have a game plan. "Want to go to this concert on Friday?" is much more effective than "Want to go out sometime?" Second of all, officially labeling something as a Date puts a lot of pressure on both parties. What if you go out and discover that you have nothing in common at all? You still are somehow obligated to act like you're on a date. It adds a weird aspect of formality that I am not a fan of. There are a few other small reasons too, but I don't really feel like going into those.

Anyway I pose the question to you, dear internet users, is it better for the dude or the dudette to do the asking? Does it really matter? And, if the girl asks, should she then expect to have to pay? Concerning the last question, logic tells me yes, but life experience tells me no.

The other possible meaning of "making the first move" is the really scary one. There is much more risk involved in going in for a kiss than in asking a person out. For one thing, it's much easier to recover from a failed invitation than from a rejected pucker.

I would certainly be comforting to know how the other person will react before one goes in for a little lip action. It's often very difficult to judge that though. I guess you always have to option of asking first, but I hate hate hate when guys do that! Seriously. When I am hit with the question "Would it be alright if I kissed you?" I can't help but roll my eyes. I usually say something like "Do whatever you want" which, if I don't want to be kissed, doesn't actually solve the poor boy's problem of knowing how I will react to him trying to kiss me.

I can already hear the argument pertaining to this subject that kisses can just naturally happen. It's true, with the right set up, it can be very hard to tell who really initiates the kiss. I'm sure you've had the moments (they may seem to happen more often when there is alcohol involved) when you're standing fairly close to the object of your affection, you lock eyes, your faces drift closer and closer, suddenly your lips make contact!

It is nice when that happens, and it is sometimes hard to figure out who really went out on a limb and made the move. It had to be one of you though. Someone had to move thier head that extra inch or so to make contact. I promise. I have encountered a few of those magic moments that have ended up being completely fruitless due to the cowardice of one or both parties.

While I have no problem asking guys out, I am very hesitant to initiate kissing. Not that I don't do it, but it happens much less often.

I pose the same question for this situation: Is it better for the Jack or the Jill to take the plunge? Does it really matter? If one takes care of the asking out, isn't it only fair that the other takes the risk on the first kiss?

I think my answer to all these questions is: It all depends on the situation. Therefore, I disallow any of you to use that answer! Ha!

this message has been brought to you by the letter M and the frustrating fact that I have been lying in bed the last 4 hours trying desperately to sleep, because I'm very tired, but not managing to drift off.

Big Ol' Stack of Syrupy Goodness

Rainn Wilson is brilliant. If you don't know that already, now you do.

I won't go on about all the funny stuff he does; believe me there's a lot of it.

I want to tell you today about his new website project thingy. It's kind of a fun little make-you-think sight. Go check it out. Right now!

http://www.soulpancake.com/

Important Anniversaries

I am so incredibly, completely and unflappably happy! Today officially marks 5 years of full and complete remission for me. That's right, the Wegerner's Granulomatosis has been leaving me alone, without being pushed back with medicine, for 5 full years.

Honestly, it doesn't really change anything. I still have to be careful and see the doctor occasionally etc. 5 years doesn't mean that it wont ever come back. But I feel like it is a very important landmark.

I'm so excited, I could burst! I can't stop smiling, but I also kind of want to cry. Every molecule of air I breathe is like a sundae. Life is so incredibly amazing! If there's one thing I've learned from all this it is that we are so lucky for every single moment of every day.

For those readers who don't know the whole story, I have blogged about it a few times before and to catch up it's just a matter of reading through all those. I recommend starting at the bottom. If you don't have time to read everything, a few years ago I posted the whole story in three installments: One, Two, Three. It's not exactly a small amount of reading, but it will go faster than slogging though everything with the WG tag.

It's really hard to fully express how amazing and important this five year thing is. Some of you, dear readers, have been there with me from the beginning, so I'm guessing you understand. It's almost impossible to tell other people about it and have them get it though. Even so, I want to go up to every person I see and say to them "Guess what! I've been healthy for five years, isn't that great!?" I'm not sure such behavior will go over well.

Of course I'm celebrating. I going out to dinner tonight with my family. Not really doing anything big today, actually. I would throw a big party, but there's snow on the ground and it's had to get all the people I want to include inside one place. This summer though I plan to throw a major celebration. I feel so blessed to have so many people support me the last few years and I want to share with them the wonderful news. So later this year, I will have a big Life party.

Do me a favor, wherever you are: Enjoy the crap out of today!

Who Watched the Watchmen?

I did, on Friday. I liked it.

There are enough reviews out there and I don't really feel like adding my own two sense. I agree with most of them anyway so I would just be redundant. I thought it was a good movie. It followed the graphic novel very closely, but a lot of what makes the novel so great just didn't translate to the film. Still, it was visually very stunning. I will probably see it a few more times.

For my friends who have also seen it, and read the book and are totally geeking out about it, I am about to blow your mind:



It makes me laugh. It also makes me scratch my head and say "huh?" My theory is that whoever decided to make this cartoon just looked at the pictures in the book and didn't, you know, read it.

My favorite parts:
Rorschach: "I'm nutty!"
"John can give you cancer and then turn into a car"
Remember how the Comedian is Silk Specter's father? That makes this little show even more disturbing.

Seriously! WTF

Moment of Quiet Reflection

A friend of mine today found himself in an unfortunate situation. I won't go into the details here because it's not my story to tell. He's now stuck in a place that is, physically and figuratively, separate from the world of people who support and care about him. If I were in his shoes I would be terrified and, I imagine, very lonely. I haven't really known him all that long (not even a full year), but my heart goes out to him and I want desperately to help him; I just don't know how.

My little brother is also facing a tough bit of life. His crazy antics have caught up with him and he may have to have surgery on his shoulder or his ankle or both. His injuries are keeping him from doing things he really loves to do, like snowboarding and rock climbing, and the surgery, if it happens, will put many of his future plans on hold. He's having a hard time dealing with it all, and who can really blame him? Our dad asked me to talk to him because I have some experience with extenuating circumstances stepping in to fuck up my future.

My brother asked: "How did you deal with it?"
I told him: "Poorly"

Looking back on the time I took adjusting to life with Wegener's I don't really see much really bright in how I behaved. I lashed out at my family, I flew headlong into living only in the moment, I did my best to ignore my derailed future. It all lead to a major crisis point. Even now I feel like I'm just barely piecing my life back together little by little, with cheap glue so some bits keep falling off even as I stick new ones on.

In retrospect it's easy to see the things I didn't handle particularly well. If I could do it all again with the knowledge that comes with hindsight would I do things differently? I'm not sure I would be able to. So what advice can I give to people facing hard knocks? Don't do what I did. And I can offer a series of cliches that feel empty and trite in my mouth: take it one day at a time; you will be stronger from living through this; this too shall pass.


What can I offer to help my friend? Wise, helpful and heartfelt advise is out. I don't think it would do any good anyway. At times of major crisis people seem to want to do nothing but bombard you with advise, none of which you really want to hear and most of which sounds like the same stupid thing over and over. The best I can offer is to simply let him know that I am thinking of him. If I prayed, I guess I would pray for him. I have always been touched when people have told me that they prayed for me.