The Zed Word

If zombies attack, I'm pretty much screwed. Seriously, the three places where I spend the most time (school, work, home) are pretty much terrible places to be in a zombie apocalypse.

School is probably the worst. On a college campus there are lots of students, in other words, lots of potential zombies. Plus in any classroom there's pretty much one entrance/exit and nothing that would make a suitable weapon. If I could get out of the classroom and then out of the building, then what? I'd most likely be in the middle of campus. I don't drive to school, so I would be pretty much stuck there, unless I could find someone with a car who wasn't zombified.

My house is not very fortified. The doors would probably hold for a little while, but we have a huge window that would be a perfect entry point for a shit-ton of undead. I could probably barricade myself in the basement, but zombies could still get through the back door pretty easily. And if I'm stuck downstairs I'm pretty limited on my weapon choices and food (assuming they can't get through the back door and I have to wait them out) - we have a pantry downstairs, but there's not really a lot of food in it.

Work is probably the best of the three. No matter what library I'm at, I'm still at a library. That means there are lots of people around. There are usually several ways to get out (and in, unfortunately) so I could possibly escape out the staff door and maybe make it to my car. I would have a hard time finding weapons, but there are plenty of book-carts and other obstacles that could slow the pursuit.

Yes, I have gotten in the habit of scoping out any setting I find myself in and thinking to myself "What would I do if zombie burst in right now and started chewing on people." It's silly, I know. But it never hurts to be prepared. Not that it will really do me much good - if I survive zombies it will be due to sheer luck.

Hilarible

Hilarible is a term coined by my friend, Spydr. Yes, that is her name... Well, not the one on her birth certificate, but that's what everyone calls her. Hilarible is, in case you couldn't figure it out, a combination of Hilarious and Terrible. I heard a story today that illustrates this principle perfectly:

This guy, we'll call him John (I don't even know his real name... he's a friend of a co-worker's son), asked a girl out, we'll call her Julie. John decides to take Julie to the State Fair for their first date. John and Julie both live in Provo, which is about an hour long drive from the fair grounds in Salt Lake. While John is driving to Salt Lake, his stomach starts to hurt; he's getting gassy. He holds it in because he's in the car this hot girl, and you just don't want to murder your date with noxious butt-fumes. But the pressure is building up to the point that it's painful so he decides to roll down the windows, turn up the radio (so she won't hear it) and just let her rip.

He shartted.

Not much he can do at this point. They're almost to the fair so he just keeps the windows down and hopes that she can't smell it. She can probably smell it, he can smell it, it's bad. After they park, he makes sure she's walking in front of him and just does everything he can to save face.

They go into the Fair and before long they come across a booth selling "Utah State Fair!" sweat suits.

John says, "Oh neat! I'm so excited to see this! When I was little my family used to always buy these sweats and then change into them and wear them around the fair! Let's do that!"

Julie says "Uh, no. I'm not going to wear those."

John buys a set anyway and goes into a port-a-potty to change. He takes off his shirt and puts on the sweat shirt. Then he takes off his pants... they're really bad. He thinks to himself "I don't want to carry these around, that will not work." So he drops his pants and his underwear into the tank. Then he opens the package of sweat-pants.

It's another shirt.

Rather than swallowing his pride and asking Julie to please exchange the shirt for pants, John puts on the sweatshirt like pants. One leg through each arm hole. He pokes his head out and looks around for Julie. She's not nearby so he bolts. He runs through the fair, out to the parking lot and drives away.

That is hilarible. It's so terrible that it's hilarious. Certainly not to John, who suffered pretty major humiliation and should probably fear for his life if he ever runs into Julie again. Or to Julie, who was left stranded in Salt Lake. To an outside party, it's really funny though; it's Hilarible

Let There Be Light

I (apparently) like florescent lights. That was a comment made in my writing journal (yes, we're back to my Creative Writing class). I do like florescent lights though. They have much more personality than regular lights. They flicker when they come on, they slowly gain luminosity, they hum and buzz once they're fully lit. It's odd, I never thought I would be a florescent liking person.

There is a down side too. Florescent lights tend to make people look washed out and occasionally cast a greenish tint on one's skin. To be honest, I do enjoy the personality to be found in them, but I seem to vilify them too. Any wholesome environment ought to have, at the very least, boring, normal bulbs. At best it would have sunlight. Ah sunlight.

Best Laid Plans

So, I'm talking to my friend Meagan on the instant messenger thingy. She's feeling spiteful toward this guy she was dating over the summer... we'll call him Joe. Joe is in Florida, Meagan is not. Anyway, she's a little miffed at him and feeling spiteful.

I mentioned, um, Fred, in my last post. We're slightly annoyed with him. Yesterday Meagan suggested beating him over the head with his own ankles. At first I was hesitant to do any beating of Fred, because, frankly, he's not really worth it. However, the picture of him getting beat over the head with his own ankles was sufficiently comical to persuade me that it was actually a good idea.

Back to the present. We, being in somewhat spiteful moods, formulated a plan. This is it: We are going to go to FL and beat Joe over the head with Fred's ankles. We need the following supplies: 3 plane tickets (the third is not for Fred, but for Celcey, who is our third half), a bag for carrying ankles, new beating-people-over-the-head outfits with matching shoes. We're going to obtain these supplies with magic money that has just now poofed into our bank accounts. Isn't magic convenient?

You might be scratching your head at this point and saying to your computer "But, Cassie, don't you think Fred might be a little upset with you taking his ankles to Florida without him?"
The answer is: yes, I think he might be. If he really wants to come to FL, he may. But only his ankles can go to Joe's house for the beating over the head.

That's all. For now. Have a good night!

Buckle your Swash

It be international talk like a pirate day, maties. Hoist the Jolly Roger and bring forth the rum! Arrrr!

Flush it Down!

Remember when the internet was still kind of novel? You know, before facebook and myspace made it that much easier to spam your friends. Back when it was really cool (or at least it passed the time) to spend hours taking personality quizzes online, and maybe even e-mail them to your friends. No? Oh. Well. Fine. But back in Jr High (or maybe it was early high school) I wasted a lot of time online taking stupid quizzes.

Most of them I don't really remember. They would ask a series of questions and then show a generic profile that omigod was, like, so totally accurate and, like, exactly what I was like. Or some of them would offer you 5 colors or something and tell you what amazing profound thing the color you picked meant. Really dumb stuff like that.

There is one quiz from all those many years ago that has actually stuck with me. You are going to laugh at me when I tell you about it. Basically, showed a diagram of a public restroom with three stalls and asked which one you would usually chose to use, assuming that they are all available and not-gross. Whichever you chose supposedly revealed something rather profound about your personality. I don't remember which I picked or what it said about me, but the idea that bathroom stall preference says something about a person's personality intrigues me.

I'm actually sort of serious about this. Every other time I use a public restroom, I wonder what my choice of stall says about me. Then I briefly ponder if you could use that choice to make behavioral changes.

Say choosing the first stall means you live life in the fast lane, always rushing from activity to activity, doing as much as you can and packing every minute with fast paced excitement, and if choosing the second stall means you think of yourself as pretty average and middling, you don't mind some attention, but your more than happy to step aside and let someone else take the spotlight, and the third stall means you are super easygoing and don't really care what other people think, you roll with the punches and just sort of float through life taking whatever comes with a zen-like sense of calm. What if you are a pretty regular first-staller, but you want to calm down a little. Could conciously making an effort to use the third stall help calm you?

If I had time I could totally make this into some weird metaphor for some philosophical principal or something. Unfortunately, it's kind of late and I still have to read for class. Yep, school has started again, and this fall I'm playing the role of Full-Time-Student again. More on that later. In the mean time, take a moment to ponder what your bathroom habits really say about you, really.

This Shit is Bananas

What. The. Fuck.

Hey Kids

My legs hate me right now. I've been running around all weekend; dancing(I learned Balboa... tres awesome), swimming and riding my bike. I can barely stand my legs are so tired right now. Good thing I'm going to bed soon.

I want to end the weekend on a high note here, so I'm just going to post a video that will make you laugh so hard egg salad will come out your nose (regardless whether you've actually eaten egg salad). Enjoy!

Struggles With Space-Time

Will someone please tell me how to make time stop for a few hours? There is too much I want to do today and not nearly enough time in which to do it. So, of course I am sacrificing the fun for the necessary. And I am being very unproductive and day-dreaming of the fun things while dallying through necessary things. Blah.

Meat Byproduct

It's Friday. Hooray. Let's Celebrate with Spam!





And of course, the python sketch. What spam day would be complete without it?

I Would Honestsly Wear A Shirt That Said That

Dino Comics are fun. This particular frame has always hit a chord with me.




So, the other day I was feeling crafty (or something like that) and this is the result:


Yep. I really am that cool.

3.14159265

By the way,

Happy Pi Day!















See, cuz today is 3.14... The date... with the numbers...it's pi... rounded to 3 significant.... yeah.

Me = Winner!

Check it out, bitches! I won an award! That's right, you are now reading my award winning blog of awesome!

Aw, man, now I almost feel obligated to actually blog something worth reading. Or not. After all, it was just my odd little ramblings that got me the award in the first place.

I would like to thank all the little people who supported me on the way up. And my three loyal readers who never gave up on me. And I would like to thank Baby Dinosaur Jesus and the Flying Spaghetti Monster and any other false idols you can think of.

And finally: Look, It's a spade!

Red Fish Blue Fish

My friend Val says I should blog about sushi today. Specifically, this sushi buffet we all went to in Las Vegas. It was pretty heavenly. The sushi itself was quite scrumptious, and for $15 we all stuffed our bellies full of as much raw fish as we could possibly handle. Val's very excited about it because she gets to go back in April.

It would be neat to have something like that here in SLC. We have some nice sushi places, in fact, a revolving sushi bar just opened, and it's kind of the coolest thing ever. But to really stuff yourself to the point of being uncomfortable anywhere you have to spend at least $40.

That's pretty much all I have to say about sushi. But that's what Val said I should blog about. I will leave you with this:

CANDY SUSHI!!!!!

Friday Afternoon Fun

BEEP! BEEP!

(that is the sound of my blog horn.)

You're Gonna Make It After All

I am hopefully going to post something very exciting later today. Until then though, it's Friday! Bust out your bell-bottomed jumpsuit and throw your hat in the air, it's a celebration Mary Tyler Moore style!

Bullets and Butterfly Wings

Occasionally I remember that the title of my blog says something about random thoughts. On those occasions, I like to be true to the title and share some of the chaotic spewage of my brain. Not that most of my thoughts that I share anyway are particularly non-random. Today, I'm going to share these random thoughts in a super special way: With a bulleted list! (Yay!)

• This morning I was hit by a sudden bout of disbelief that it is already February


• You may have noticed that the superbowl was last night. I kind of wanted the Patriots to win, but I was honestly not at all invested in the outcome of the game.


• The Utah Museum of Fine Arts had an exhibit of Andy Warhol screenprints that I really wanted to see. Too bad it ended last month. There is an abstract art exhibit now, but it's not the same. :(


• I did my taxes yesterday. woooo


• This week I'm going to start an IRA. Wow, I'm suddenly doing something responsible with my money. Even more impressive, I suddenly have money to do something impressive with (that's actually kind of debatable).


• Saturday night I completely forgot the word "philosophical." I started to say it and suddenly couldn't. It's one of those terms that I take for granted as always being there, ready to be used at any given time, so much so that I was utterly shocked when it became apparent that it had taken a vacation from my vocabulary. The shock did nothing to help me remember the adjective version of philosophy and I sat there bumbling until my friend told me what the word was.


• My "bucket list" for the day: buy milk, throw away the grossness in the fridge, clean the bathroom, make spaghetti sauce.


• Substituting "bucket" for "to do" is my new hobby.

Remember Last Year

Silly Boston. Why is it that people are so quick to overreact?

I Didn't Like The Others, They Were All Too Flat.

Fish Slap!

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

I hereby declare today a good day!

I have a slice of pie. I am happy. Yay pie.

It is pumpkin, by the way.




































P.S. Halloween is coming up. Yay halloween!