Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Sense and Sensibility

It's been a long time since I read the book refrenced in this post's title, but the big theme of the novel is something that I seem to find worth contemplating today. That theme is the contrast between "sense" (logic, reason, level-headedness, rationality) and "sensibility" (emotion, feeling, sentimentality) in matters, mostly, of love. If I recall correctly, the two sisters start out each demonstrating one of the two qualities and throughout the course of the novel learn to find a balance between the two. The Sensible one becomes more sentimental and vice versa.

I wonder if re-reading the book would help me find that balance. I like to think I tend to be fairly sensible about things, but today I suddenly noticed that my affections have assigned themselves in the most irrational way possible.

Single as ever, I have a definite interest in two guys (we will call them Thing 1 and Thing 2), neither of which are at all realistic possibilities. I will try to expound without revealing too much. I don't want either of them to read this (which could easily happen because they are both friends and are therefore likely to be directed to and/or stumble on this blog, if they haven't already. Times like this I wish I knew exactly who reads me and how often) and figure out who I'm talking about. That would be really embarrassing.

Thing 1 is wonderful. He has just the kind of personality I like - he's well rounded, funny, flirtatious, outgoing, and just a little bit of a geek (sorry, but I'm a sucker for the dorks, mostly because I am one myself). I swear, I don't put him up on a pedestal, but gee-golly I sure do like him an awful lot. The problem (that makes me say, "why did you let yourself fall for him?") is that he has a girlfriend. Worse, he seems rather fond of her.

Thing 2 is actually mostly all wrong for me. He has two very attractive qualities; he's witty and he's flirtatious (I love to flirt, you kids who know me know that). I know that on any non-superficial level it would never ever work out with him. Still I find myself very flattered by his attention and I go out of my way to flirt with him. It's fun. Of course, when you flirt enough with a person, it's hard not to develop something related to romantic interest; the chemistry can be overwhelming sometimes. He is, to mix my Austen references, my Mr. Wickham; I am toying with the idea of falling in love with him, but it is really no more than a flirtation. Although, he's not a total skeeze like Wickham is. Thing 2 is actually very decent, just not at all right for me.

I guess Thing 1 would be sort of like Edmund Bertram from Mansfield park. But with more the personality of Mr Tilney. Sorry, unnecessary literary references, and thinking too much about my analogies. Moving on.

It's all very silly. But perhaps, because I recognise the futility of both my little "crushes" (I never liked that term, not sure why), I'm closer to having a balance of sense and sensibility than I originally thought. Not that it will help me find a better situation, but hopefully it will keep me from pining away after Thing 1 and taking the flirtation too far with Thing 2.

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