Saturday, November 07, 2009

Lonesome Whipperwill

Ok. I know yesterday's post was a bit of a cop out. And I didn't post on Thursday. NaBloPoMo may be kicking my ass a little bit.

Today I don't really have anything particular in mind that I would like to talk about, but I promise not to just post a comic. Even if it's a really funny comic. But what, then, shall I write about? Life? The Universe? Everything? It would be pretty hard to write about Everything... it's a rather big topic. What about some other abstraction? Love? Hate? Happiness? Loneliness?

In my poetry writing class (the one I don't like much) we just read a book called Don't Let Me Be Lonely by Claudia Rankine. In this particular piece of literature the loneliness (because Lonely was in the title, so loneliness must come into it somewhere) stemmed from a sort of detatchment from life. The speaker of the poems was often unable to really connect, to fully experience the life she was living. Whether it was from media overload or life-hazing anti-depressant medications.

I've heard from a few friends (ironically all the one's who've told me this were male) that they are tired of being lonely. These guys have been single for a while. They have plenty of friends, but they want a romantic relationship with someone. They will be lonely until that happens.

Is it a social construct, or is it a biological imperative, that we need to be with someone in a committed, romantic, relationship sort of way? When does our quality of life start to be defined by our being (or not) in a relationship?

I think it's silly. I like being single. Plus, I think it's important to be happy with yourself, by yourself before you try being with someone else.

Those are just my rambling thoughts of the day.


Dave said...

Loneliness is odd thing that I don't fully understand myself, and yet still experience. I'm trying to fully grasp it myself.

I kind of believe that loneliness occurs on a timeline that can be stretched or contracted depending on the person.

After being with somebody for a while and them breaking up with you, you're probably experiencing some loneliness - after all, a significant part of your life has disappeared. It can last weeks or months or maybe even years.

After a while of loneliness, you've finally come to terms with the break-up. You're no longer bitter or sad, and you're working on doing the things that make you happy. Single life is awesome - nobody is keeping you back from the things you want to do.

However, after months or years of doing this, you start to question why somebody hasn't taken an interest in you after all this time. You wonder, despite all the awesome things you've been doing, is there something wrong with me that is making me unattractive to people? Your ego starts to slip, and loneliness starts to set in again as you need the reassurance that comes from an actual relationship.

The trick is to extend that middle section for as long as possible. Some people are able to do it for years at a time. Some people aren't able to do it at all.

Of course, this is all easier said than done. Admittedly, I felt kind of stupid reading this post as I've been experiencing the bruised ego of loneliness myself lately. If only one's advice could be put into practice so easily...

Cassie The Great said...

Thanks, Dave. That's actually really insightful. I've been able to stretch that middle part for about 3 years so I think I've done pretty well. And I'm not sure I'm completely out of the middle part.

I don't like the feeling of loneliness that stems solely from the lack of romantic relationships. I feel silly feeling lonely when I have tons of friends with whom I have fantastic relationships. I actually don't feel that loneliness very often. But I know people do. I just hate that this little piece of happiness is completely dependent on other people (or at least one other person).

Arrakis said...

I really liked being single when I was. I think that I was one of those people that could be single for very long periods of time. And don't take this the wrong way, I love Johnny and Elara, but I miss that all by myself feeling sometimes. But when I was ready to not be single anymore it was't that long till I found someone. I don't really remember ever having a really "lonely" sad sort of feeling though. Maybe I'm just lucky.