Tuesday, September 11, 2007

All Right, Mr. DeMille, I'm Ready For My Close Up

Have you ever asked yourself, "If someone were to make a movie of my life, what would it be like?"

If you are one of my friends, there is a possibility that I have asked you, "If someone were to make a movie of your life, who would play you?"

One of my favorite sites for wasting time (Pajiba) posed more of less the same question to its readers which made me think about the subject. I have most of the people in my life cast already, but I never really thought about what movie it would be. There haven't been too many movies that really make me think of my life. And a lot would depend on what part of my life they made the movie about- the saga of my getting sick? My life as it is now (what a boring movie that would be)? My life in high-school? The summer of "The Book" (best summer EVER)?

Let's say, for the sake of argument, that it will be all of the above. An epic movie about the last decade or so of my life. It would start out like Mean Girls, then throw everyone for a loop by suddenly turning into something like an episode of House, but with a nicer doctor. Add a dash of angry teenage rebellion (White Oliander style?), but without drugs or alcohol, and a little bit more medical drama. Fold in a John Hughs type summer, the beginning of Two Weeks Notice and end with The Spanish Apartment (well, I'm not quite there yet, but a little flexibility with the plot is allowed). Spice the whole thing with as much High Fidelity as you can stand. Blend. Serve over ice in a chilled glass.

Was that complicated enough for you? Good.

I would be played by Maggy Gyllenhaal
Supporting roles would go to: (as some of my friends) Sara Silverman, Josh Hartnett, Michelle Rodriguez, Diedrich Bader (as arch enemies) Julia Stiles, Rachel McAdams, Heath Ledger (as family) Ashton Kutcher, Glen Close, Robert Redford, Angela Landsbury, Albert Finney, Maggie Smith. And I'll throw in a completely fictional romantic lead played by either Ryan Gosling or Bret McKenzie.

I hope they don't make this movie. It can't possibly be very good. And I imagine it would be slightly less than flattering to me. Great cast though, eh?


Anonymous said...

Who gets to play me?


Cassie the Great said...

You will be just a voice. Perhaps Eddie Izzard or Steve Carell. Would you like to sound Brittish or no?

Anonymous said...

If you think of me as sounding British I will sound British in your movie.

I'm sure it would be a very good movie; if neccesary, the Hollywood high-concept people would throw in a few car chases and explosions to jazz things up.


Cassie the Great said...

It's not necessarily that I think of you as sounding British, it's just that every good movie should have a disembodied British voice. It goes well with the explosions.

Charlotte/Chaye said...

Michelle Rodriguez?! What happened to Rosario Dawson?

Cassie the Great said...

Rosario Dawson annoys me lately. Michelle Rodriguez is just cool.