Saturday, May 10, 2008

Thoughts on Gender

I just recently went through an ordeal that has me pondering how you guys think. I wouldn't give it a second thought if it weren't almost exactly like something a few of my friends have experienced recently too. I'm not going to go into great detail in any case, to protect the guilty (they might know who they are anyway). The duration of the ordeal, and the specifics of what it involved varied, but it was, in all cases, basically this:

Boy meets Girl, they hit it off, have wicked chemistry. There is some sloppy make-outs and maybe a date or two. Things seem to be going pretty well for a while, there is potential for a real romance, but they're still in the water-testing stage. Neither party is anywhere close to falling madly in love or anything, or necessarily looking to fall madly in love anytime soon. It's just one of those things, just one of those crazy things, one of those bells that now and then rings.

Then all of a sudden, Boy drops off the face of the planet and starts giving girl the cold shoulder. He stops calling. He'll still answer her calls, but won't be much for conversation. If they are together in person, he'll be distant and cold. Basically, he decides to be a big jerk.

I have a friend who was on the Boy side of this situation once, and I (after kicking him for being an ass) kinda got his side of the story. He said that he felt like she wanted more out of the relationship than he was willing to give. He wasn't looking for anything serious, and he thought that she was. I happen to be friends with Girl in that case too, and she was really not looking for seriousness, just some fun. She was annoyed at Boy for being so dumb about it, but she didn't waste any time crying into her pillow about it or anything like that.

In my case, I don't know what Boy was thinking exactly, but I would bet it was something along those same lines. The thing is, I was so far from being serious about him that I was also dating two other guys at the same time. I'm not sure he knew about it (because it's kind of a jerky thing to flaunt boyfriend#2 in boyfriend#1's face), but we had clearly established that we were not serious at all. Still, he started blowing me off and I have a feeling it's for the same bull-shit reason that "I'm looking for more than he's willing to give right now."

Ok, so... why is it that this happens? Do you guys just automatically assume that we gals are crazy into you and looking to get hitched or something? Gender stereotyping? I don't know. Why can't we be expected to want a regular, non-serious, buddy with whom we occasionally swap spit? It's not fair.

I, of course, have to address the way the situation has been handled. Seriously, how hard is it for you guys to give us the heads up about what's going on? And if you just bothered to talk to us about it, you might find out that we're really not expecting anything more than some no-strings-attached fun. Giving the cold shoulder is kinda childish and really annoying. You guys who do this should know better by now. I believe there is a term for this kind of behaviour... now what is it? Oh yeah! Ass-Hole

6 comments:

veganaron said...

Cough. I don't know who that boy that your friend was talking about but I'm sure he felt like the ass he was. Cough.

Yeah it's not a gender thing, it's people who don't know how to communicate well. COUGH!!!!

Man I've got get get this cold check out...

Jason Lee said...

I don't think it's a gender thing. That's pretty much how many of my relationships for the last couple years have gone. Me being on the receiving end of the cold shoulder. I'm not quite sure what's happening either.

Cassie the Great said...

Ok, I concede that it may not be gender related. It just kinda feels that way, and you do have the stereotype that girls are always looking for someone to marry and guys are just horn-dogs looking for someone to fuck. I guess that's kind of the lense I was using.

I think Aaron hit the nail on the head. It's a communication issue. We just need to learn how to talk to each other.

veganaron said...

Yes we do... I wonder if that will ever happen?...

Jason Lee said...

Communication is always good, I'm a huge supporter of communication. Though I think something else happened with at least a couple of them. We made it clear to each other that we weren't looking for something serious, but then they just happened to find someone else who they could get serious with. It might have actually turned out better if we didn't bother talking about the seriousness and just let what would happen, happen. Rather than kill the possibility right off, let it die naturally instead...

Cassie the Great said...

Aaron - I wouldn't bet on it.

Jason - I'd rather have things clear from the beginning. Otherwise you spend all you spend all your time wondering what page the other person is on and if it's the same page you are. Plus, if you keep the expectations of seriousness low, you're not going to disappoint someone who wants more. I don't know. There's no perfect way to handle the situation, you pretty much just have to do what seems like the right thing to do at the time.